When you live in the city, it makes sense to commute using public transportation. Now, I could write a post whining about how awful it is and although that would make me feel better, I’m not sure how much fun it would be for my readers. So in order to serve my growing readership I will instead offer what I would like to call an entreating treatise. Due to the fact that I literally almost get into a physical altercation on a daily basis just trying to make it from point A to point B like a conventional Zack, I thought it might be edifying to explore the horrific phenomenon of commuting on public trans in a (this) city.
For one thing, the Subway is where grace goes to die.
Something I often hear people say about New York is that the people are rude, it’s too crowded, etc, etc.(I refuse to say blah blah blah, I hate it! I just did! Shit!) but I have to say, New Yorkers are experts at commuting. They take their backpacks off on the subway, they move naturally to available space, they know not to block the doorways, they stand to board the train on the opposite side of where people need to get off to walk towards the exit if that’s the kind of stop it is, you know, stuff that you would think would be instinctual, born-with knowledge. Other cities that shall remain nameless? Nope! It’s amazing that otherwise intelligent(hmm), sweet(cough), law-abiding people would turn into such selfish beasts as soon as they approach the subway. Almost by reflex they will try to trip you or jump in front, push-shove-elbow just to gain a millisecond. It’s the most amazing example of diminishing returns you will ever see. It seems as if people view kindness and patience on the subway as the ultimate form of weakness. It is mob mentality, where otherwise well-adjusted people get into certain circumstance and then justify any behavior by convincing themselves of the abject evilness of the perpetrator. It is the strangest phenomenon. Pettiness should be a deadly sin.
So how to avoid getting annoyed to the point of fisticuffs everyday by the blatant ignorance? Absorption. But short of that……
I propose these rules for a joyful and stress free commute! The new commuter rules are as follows:
- When you get on the train move to available space, if there are people behind you, do not stop just inside the door and not move. I repeat IF THERE ARE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU DO NOT STEP JUST INSIDE THE DOOR AND STOP…….. woooo deep breaths………
- If it’s a crowded train TAKE YOUR BACKPACK OFF! Your backpack is basically the width of a whole person. In New York these signs are all over the place. It should be obvious.
- If the train is crowded and you’re an able-bodied person, stand.
- Don’t eat. I’m willing to concede maybe this is entering an unreasonable zone, but I for one don’t want to smell or hear your food.
I could probably go on but if peeps in this nameless city made an effort to follow these easy to understand obvious rules it would make the COMMUTE infinitely better.
Originally published at currentrant.wordpress.com on March 27, 2018.